Honoring Parents, but why?

by Rabbi Dovid Ritter

Ever think about this one? We know that there were two tablets, with 5 commandments on each. The first five are all about mans relationship with G-d while the last 5 are about man with other men. “(1)I am G-d; (2)Don’t have other G-ds; (3)Don’t swear in G-d’s name in vain; (4)Keep the Sabbath; (5)Honor your parents” and the last five “(6) Don’t murder (7) Don’t commit adultery (8) Don’t steal/kidnap (9)Don’t testify falsely (10) Don’t covet/desire”.

So why is #5 on the first tablet and not the second? Isn’t it a man to man command? Its not a G-dly act to honor parents!

The Talmud gives us some insight here. It says that there are three partners in every persons creation. The father supplies five elements (like bones and skin), the mother give another five parts (blood) and Hashem (G-d) gives ten parts corresponding to those parts (soul and breath). So parents take a part of their child’s creation, and in that way they are G-dly. Honoring our parents is a way to show our appreciation for the opportunity to exist. Honoring our parents is like honoring G-d for their part in our creation. Its a crazy thought.

But that’s not all. There’s a lot more to this which will be elaborated on below. The Talmud concludes that a certain Rabbi Yosef was blind, and when he heard his mother walk into the room he was in he would stand up and say, “I’m standing for the Divine Presence which entered the room.” There’s a level to see the G-dlyness in parents as co-creators. Its a new way to see G-d in our lives. Its not that we ascribe the Divine to our parents but that we see the Divine through the power of creation that our parents were a part of. When we subscribe to Kibbud Av V’eim we are showing our appreciation and honoring our existence.

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FROM THE ARCHIVES:

Parshas Yisro 5784
Vol 13 Issue 15

We’re Linked to Creation
Dovid Ritter

The Rambam in Hilchos Yesodei Hatorah writes that the miracles that Moshe Rabbeinu performed in Mitzrayim are not what prove the authenticity of his prophecy and the Torah. Miracles are never irrefutable proof because there is always room for doubt. What actually does attest to the accuracy of Moshe’s words is the revelation on Har Sinai when Hashem opened the heavens and showed Himself to Klal Yisroel. They heard Hashem clearly command Moshe to give the Aseres Hadibros to them, and they knew for certain that he was truly Hashem’s messenger. That is the greatest proof possible.

The Kuzari says that what makes this proof so strong is the fact that it took place before at least three million people. All other religions are based on one person’s claim that a god appeared to him. Such proof is impossible to verify. However, only Judaism and the Torah state that Hashem revealed Himself to so many people. The testimony of three million witnesses is irrefutable, and it is the greatest proof to the authenticity of the Torah. The Meshech Chochma adds that what makes this evidence even more compelling is the fact that we know it from our fathers and grandfathers, who know it from the generations before them. Every Jew knows that his great grandfather, somewhere up the line, stood on Har Sinai.

This idea is hinted in the words preceding the Aseres Hadibros, “Hashem spoke all these statements, saying.” The word Leimor, saying, usually means to tell someone else. Here the entire nation heard the first two Dibros so it could not have been repeated to them. Leimor means that everyone who heard the Dibros was to repeat what they heard to their children for generations to come. This is the secret and the success of our Mesorah.

The fourth of the Aseres Hadibros commands us to keep Shabbos because Hashem created the world in six days and rested on the seventh. The Malbim says that the proof to Shabbos can be seen from the mere fact that new creations do not ever come into being. Assuming the world just happened, it should continue to happen, produce and change. The fact that new beings don’t just appear demonstrates that the world was created with a precise purpose. More than that, the world is actually evidence to Shabbos. The first six days of the world are when Hashem created and brought all things into being. The creation era ended with Shabbos. From then on began the world as we know it, in which seeds bear fruit and animals produce offspring. The world of generations and descendants is the world post-Shabbos. Shabbos represents the transition point of the nature of the world. Until Shabbos Hashem created, and afterward He made the world self-sustained. When we keep Shabbos we testify to the creation of the world and the change Shabbos brought. In this way Shabbos symbolizes the truth that Hashem created the world.

With this thought the Malbim explains the connection Shabbos has to the next of the Aseres Hadibros, Kabeid Es Avicha V’es Imecha. Shabbos and Kibbud Av Va’eim go hand in hand. We must honor our parents for merely bringing us into the world. They gave us our physical bodies, while Hashem provided us with our Neshama and spiritual aspects. The ability for parents to bear offspring is a result of Shabbos, when Hashem changed the course of the world. For this reason these two Mitzvos are inherently connected.

There is another aspect to Kibbud Av Va’eim. The Kli Yakar says that this Mitzvah is a very important part of Emunah. A child is evidence that there must be parents, and the line of generations goes all the way back to the first child, Adam Harishon, who was created by Hashem. By honoring our parents we are showing honor to the link which connects us with Hashem, our Creator. This may be a reason for the great importance of Yichus, or pure lineage. The further back we can trace and recognize our ancestors the greater the link and connection we have with Hashem, our Ultimate Father.

When we think about it in this way our connection to Kibbud Av Va’eim is because of what our parents represent in the chain that connects us to Adam Harishon. Reb Yosef would stand up when he heard his mother entering the room and said, “I’m standing for the Shechina!” He meant it figuratively and literally. He was standing as a Mitzva that Hashem commanded at that moment, but also for the fact that his mother represented his connection to Hashem Himself. He saw the respect He gave his mother as giving respect to Hashem.

The truth of the Torah is passed down to us from our parents, but it is we, their descendants, who give meaning to their words. The greater the respect we show them the stronger the impact their words and their Mesorah have. Our connection to the Mesorah and Torah is a result of the honor we show the previous generations. The greater our reverence the more powerful our connection. The Mesoras Hatorah has been passed down for thousands of years and it is our responsibility to pass it to the future generations. The truth and proof to the Torah is in front of our eyes, and it is our responsibility, as the descendants of those that stood at Har Sinai, to make it part of our lives.

Parshas Mishpatim Vol. 4 Issue 18

Honor Them

Dovid Ritter

We read last week about the Mitzva which carries the greatest promise of reward of any single Mitzva. “Honor your father and your mother, so that your days will be lengthened upon the land… (20, 12)” Immediately following that, in Parshas Mishpatim we are told the opposite extreme. Cursing or hitting ones parents carries the death penalty. What makes Kibbud Av Va’em so significant that its consequences are the most extreme, from the greatest reward to the worst punishment?

The Gemara Kedushin (30) answers this question simply, that it is as if Hashem equated His own honor to honoring ones parents. Just as there is a Mitzva of Kabeid Es Hashem (Mishlei 3,9) there is a Mitzva Kibbud Av Va’em, and the same way there is a Mitzva to fear Hashem (Devorim 6, 13) there is a Mitzva to fear ones parents (Vayikra 19, 3). The same is true the opposite extreme. Just as cursing Hashem brings the worst death penalty, stoning, so does cursing ones parents. The Gemara explains the reason for this equation. “There are three partners in a person’s [creation], Hashem, his mother and father. When a person honors his mother and father [Hashem says,] ‘I consider it as if I dwelled between them and they honored Me.” Why does this partnership cause parents to be equal to Hashem in the most extreme ways?

The answer lies in a message we learn from the Luchos. Besides the promise “your days will be lengthened,” there is an additional promise added to the second Luchos, “it will be good for you. (5, 16).” The Ibn Ezra explains that this “good” hints to Olam Habah. Why then, was that added only in the second Luchos?

The Chasam Sofer answers this question based on a question pondered in the Gemara Eiruvin (13). Would it have been better for a person to be created or not to have been created in the first place? Bais Shammai and Bais Hillel argued about this for two and a half years. They finally came to the unanimous conclusion that a person would be better off not created in the first place, but now that he is created he should analyze his actions and deeds [so he ends up going to Olam Habah]. Based on this Gemara we should all ask, if it’s better not to have been created, if it’s bad for us, why should we give honor to whoever brought us here?

Tosfos asks a similar question from a Gemara in Avodah Zorah (5) which seems to say we must show gratitude to our ancestors for allowing us to come into the world. Tosfos answers that it’s true that an ordinary person would be better off not created [to avoid tests], “but a Tzadik, fortunate is he and fortunate is his generation!” The best thing for a Tzadik is to come to this world in order to do Mitzvos in order to merit Olam Habah! This is why we say in Uva Letzion, “Blessed is He, our G-d, Who created us for His glory and separated us from those who stray, gave us the Torah of truth… May He open our heart through His Torah and imbue our heart with love and awe of Him and that we may do His will and serve Him wholeheartedly…”

After presenting Klal Yisroel with the first four Mitzvos which are all about belief in Him, Hashem commanded them to honor their parents. After receiving those Mitzvos their status became elevated to Tzadikim who have a purpose in this world. With that taken into consideration, they were commanded to honor their parents. We too, should be compelled to honor our parents and thank them for bringing us here. We are so fortunate to have been created!

We need to thank and honor our parents for bringing us into this world because it is our opportunity to reach the next world. This is what the second Luchos say, “so that your days will be lengthened and it will be good for you.” “Lengthened days” refers to this world and the “good” refers to the world to come, of total good.

However, there is a level even higher than that. The Gemara says “one second in Olam Hazeh doing Teshuva and Maasim Tovim is better than all Olam Habah”. This refers to Tzadikim Gemurim. To them, Olam Hazeh is even greater than Olam Habah. Klal Yisroel reached that level before the Chet Haeigel. For them Olam Hazeh itself was the ultimate good. They did not need the incentive of Olam Habah at all. The gratitude they showed their parents was for their Olam Hazeh, and to them, the ultimate incentive is long life in Olam Hazeh!

The requirements and guidelines of Kibbud Av Va’em are not crystal clear because, like all Mitzvos, there is room to do above the letter of the law. Just as there are many levels of how to observe all Mitzvos, there are many levels of Kibbud Av Va’em. The greater ones devotion to Hashem the more he is expected and required to do. Above all, Kibbud Av Va’em is the barometer of one’s commitment to Hashem. The more one recognizes the purpose of life, the more one realizes the opportunities there are in Torah and Mitzvos, the greater the gratitude he will show his parents for bringing him into the world. And the less one values his spirituality, the less he will appreciate his parents for bringing him here. Showing our parents honor means we value our service to Hashem, and that is the greatest honor we can give Him.